Onwards

So I lost a post here last night.   Truth be told it was a bit of a moany, self defeating post so perhaps my computer knew better than I did?    I was ruminating on the fact that here we are, just about a third of the way through the year and so far I’ve really done nothing hugely fundamental in turning things around.  Yes, I am headlong stuck into my part of establishing the freeschool, and yes, I am out once a week singing my heart out at choir (been tonight, I love it).  I am keeping up with the 52 Project but haven’t yet taken my camera off automatic; I always seem to get something better out of Instagram which to me equates to cheating.  And I am sewing, albeit a little under pressure right now which kind of defeats the original point.  So yes, on my new years tick list I can claim to have achieved a few things.

But what about the really important stuff?  What about being a nicer, smilier, more patient mummy and partner?  What about straightening out some of my thoughts and fears?  What about the meditation?  I feel I’ve had a bit of time of it recently.  I feel a little overwhelmed with my to-do list right now and it makes me want to run headlong into a desert and bury my head in the sand. I’ve been the classic crappy mummy over the past few days, peaking with the bedtime routine.  How is it they drive you to utter madness, you lose your cool, and then BAM! you feel as guilty as hell (once they’re asleep and you’re staring at their utterly gorgeous faces)?  Don’t you just hate it when that happens?  Here’s me trying to convince The Man that I’ll do a great job of homeschooling Boy 1 when my patience has upped and left on a typically average day.

Tomorrow is, as they say, another day.

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