30/52 :: part 2

#2 We were so unbelievably proud of you this week, especially. You did it!

Phew. What a week. Exciting, exhausting, overwhelming and memorable. Countless rehearsals, three performances, two celebratory meals out, too many late nights (and a few tantrums thrown in for good measure). It was wonderful but we are pleased to now be back to normal, a week later.

On Monday, right at end of my week 30, we dropped everything, The Man included, and headed out to the White Cliffs at Dover. It was an emergency mission. The pre-show craziness followed by the post-performance low really messed with all of us, especially he and I. Being outside with space to run and explore was the only option. He found his stick before we’d even left the car park and only let it go to share with his brother for a moment.

On this particular day, and the couple of weeks leading up to it, I felt as though I was scraping my nails down a blackboard. Now, with a bit of distance granting perspective, I can see things how they really are. That this was a major achievement for a boy who is essentially shy, emotionally and physically sensitive, easily overwhelmed, and kicks out against instruction and correction. He loved the actual performances, coming out of that stage door excited and so happy. But within 20 minutes each time he had his nose buried deep within the pages of a book, where he’s most comfortable. For my part I now realise just how anxious I was, at no ot being able to control his situation for him, to soften the edges. And the creeping fear that, because of his sensitive nature, he’d be the child who did a runner mid act, back to the dressing room.

We are beyond proud. And still singing the entire musical score which is driving us all slightly potty 😊

Joining in with lovely people over at Practising Simplicity and I Heart Snapping #52Project #livingarrows

28/52

#1 Carefully picking your way through the wheat to get to the tractor trail because we’d talked about respecting the farmer’s crops. You liked the way the ears of corn felt on the palms of your hands.

#2 Playing in a field of grass gone to seed must surely be a childhood rite of passage? You were in your element, barely able to see above it in places.

These pictures, taken on different days but right at the start of a new week, now feel like they come from another time entirely. Already that long grass has been mown, and the wheat fields all around us have turned from green to golden. With almost two full weeks of Boy2 being unwell now under our belts, time seems to have flown by, and yet each day (and many nights) has dragged, one merging into the next. I’m no nurse and he’s a pretty demanding patient and so it’s been a bit exhausting, if I’m honest. The opportunity to take photos has been slim and my motivation low. I’m not entirely sure if I’ll have anything at all to share for week 29!

We’re now just five days away from Boy1’s first performance of ‘Oliver!’. The rehearsal schedule has become like a full time job in itself and so as well as nurse, I’ve also been fulfilling my duties as taxi driver and motivational coach! Keeping him well has been high on my list of priorities. That and getting myself over having an emergency wisdom tooth extraction.

Yes, it’s been tiring.

As I sit writing this an impressive thunder storm is going on above me, the rain is pouring down, clearing the air of an incredibly oppressive day. A fresh start is on the cards.

Joining in with lovely people over at Practising Simplicity and I Heart Snapping #52Project #livingarrows

27/52

#1 Being cheeky on the steam train. You did a pretty good job of avoiding the camera in such close confines but I caught the real you here.

#2 My little artist at work. You love leaving your mark and sand is your favourite.

We squeezed in a couple of precious days back ‘home’ in Norfolk to spend time with Nana and Grandad and the Danish cousins. The visit didn’t quite work out as planned but we did at least spend one afternoon and evening together. We took a ride on a steam train from Sheringham, spent a few hours at the beach, and finished the day off with a fish and chip supper. We’d have liked to stay on longer but too many commitments back here in Kent were calling us home.

This was the week I had a photo of the boys removed from my Instagram account, followed by a warning about violating their community rules. I was angry and upset and a bit baffled, too. As a consequence, this post contains fewer pictures of Boy1 as he chose to strip down to his undies to go into the sea. There has been a weird and worrisome spate of Instagram accounts being closed down with little or no warning in the past couple of weeks. A strange form of censorship directed unfairly at mothers who are choosing to share beautiful and entirely innocent pictures of their children. It’s made me think about which direction to take things here on the blog, too.

So I’ve come to blogging week 27 so unbelievably late that I’m not able to submit my link to Practising Simplicity or I Heart Snapping. I’m so late I already have my shots from week 28 lined up and ready to go. Let’s just say the last week has been a bit of a write-off. A poorly littlest little and an hectic last rehearsal schedule for the bigger one has meant pretty much everything else has fallen by the wayside. The photos were there, they just sat on the camera a bit too long. And in the grand scheme of things, that’s OK.

26/52

#1 Bubble face
#2 Bubble love

The Man was sorting out in the garage and came across a bottle of big bubble mix we’d made up for Boy1’s 5th birthday party. At the time it didn’t work and in the end we gave up. Turns out that sitting in the bottle for two and a half years did the trick! And so followed half an hour of intense bubble making and breaking fun. They were both drenched and very sticky afterwards but their joy was infectious. Everyone loves a bubble 🙂

Joining in with lovely people over at Practising Simplicity and I Heart Snapping #52Project #livingarrows

19/52

#1 The first ice-cream of the season. You naturally made short work of the Flake first.

#2 I see here your concentration as you worked the oars with Daddy’s help, keen to move on quickly to doing it solo.

The Man works long, often unsociable hours. He’s either working from home (hoping that we’re not going to disturb him), or drives crazy distances in all different directions, weekends included. This can sometimes mean that when he is around with a day or two off, he needs to just sit back and do, well, nothing. With Boy1’s weekends being pretty busy too with youth theatre and rehearsals for ‘Oliver!’, we’ve fallen into a family habit of hanging out but not necessarily going out. So when we decided to head off to Hythe one afternoon, we made the most of it. A row down the river, followed by a Mr Whippy. How terribly English!

Joining in with lovely people over at Practising Simplicity and I Heart Snapping #52Project #livingarrows

11/52

You fell in love with this police helmet at a friend’s house and hung on to it for the entire time we were there (and yes, we managed to find one on eBay, such was your obsession!).

A couple of days later you asked Daddy if it was time to put the pedals onto your running bike. Five minutes later you’d mastered it. That’s just how you roll, kiddo.

We went back to the secret woods for our homeschool meet up for the first time in several weeks. You love it there. It’s as though all the things that are bothering you, or aggravate you, or set you off don’t exist for a few hours.

One of the best bits, for all of you, is when it’s time to start gathering to go home. You poke about with the burning embers, making ‘flame sticks’, before the fire is quenched with water from the stream.

See the other 52 Project contributors over at Practising Simplicity and Living Arrows

This week was a bit tricky. Nothing major or particularly out of the ordinary. It happens from time to time that Boy1 and I get into a bad cycle of bickering, falling out, taking things to the extreme. He feels persecuted, and blames me for siding with his little brother on every occasion. Although this isn’t the case, it must appear that way at times. They are like chalk and cheese in pretty much every respect and although they actually play brilliantly together for the vast majority of the time, they do fight. This usually involves a crazy amount of screeching, screaming and shouting by the bigger one. We are all lucky that he is not physically aggressive. Boy2 is a bit more ‘hands on’ but he is very often provoked and, at the end of the day, he is only 3.

I try to ignore the smaller incidents and let them attempt to work it out for themselves but it’s been all too explosive recently to simply stand by. Striking a balance between effective discipline and being mindful of Boy1’s incredibly sensitive nature is not easy. In the last week I have most definitely failed. He needs to have so much pointed out to him, how his behaviour makes other people feel, how he can be self-centred, and yet even with the kindest of explanations he feels victimised and wounded. He is so, so lovely, and yet so damned frustating as well.

And here’s the double whammy (and possibly one of the biggest reasons Boy1 feels victimised). Though it’s unfair to compare, Boy2 seems to roll with the punches, moves on quickly from upset, listens and actually understands the effect his words and actions have on others. At the tender age of 3 he is often found to be the peacemaker or the voice of reason. On the surface you might have him cast as the trouble-maker; he’s loud, stands his ground, knows what he wants. But for all of that he seems to get what’s going on. I think both my boys are exceptional, but in very different ways. What one has as a strength, the other has a weakness.

In an attempt to model the type of behaviour I want to see in my kids, I am having to work really hard, and eat more chocolate than is probably healthy. This parenting lark is pretty tough.

I resolve…

source: Society6.com via Pinterest

...to Shop Local and Eat Clean.

Let’s get something straight from the get-go; I’m not one for resolutions. Probably because I hate failing. If I do something I like to do it properly. So very often it’s best not to start. Or if I do start, it’s sometimes safest to keep it to myself. My list of resolutions for this new year could have been exhaustive. There’s a lot that interests me, many things I want and need to improve upon, a few things I’d love to do. But it’s best to stick with one main thing, something achievable even if challenging, right?

I’ve been thinking about trying to shop locally, certainly for food, for a while now. For starters I pretty much hate shopping at the supermarket, crazy/unruly boys in tow, and no culinary inspiration (or skill) to draw upon. One exception might be a visit to my local Waitrose because, after all, you can get a free cappuccino from the cafe. But then you get to the till and realise you paid for that coffee after all, one way or another. I’ve tried online food shopping. Actually I find it a complete pain in the bum. I think I’d rather have my crazy/unruly boys clambering all over a fully loaded trolley and no free coffee. Then I read a very interesting article about an Oxfordshire family who spent a year shopping locally for food…and they saved over £800. It’s a common misconception – one I held – that local shops are more expensive. Their individual prices may be the same, or even more on occasion but they don’t encourage you to buy more than you want or need with aisle-end show stoppers and BOGOFs that for some reason reel you in. And it’s a bit of a no-brainier that it’s just, well, more friendly to support your local independent traders and producers.

I believe that shopping locally will also support my need to clean up my family’s diet. Here’s the issue. I’m not particularly well. I’ve had Rheumatoid Arthritis for 15 years. It’s fairly well controlled with very powerful biologic drugs (for those in the know or who are interested, I inject Enbrel/Etanercept once a week). It’s a lifelong, autoimmune disorder and, if I’m honest, it sucks. It’s always caused me fatigue but since I fell pregnant with Boy2 nearly four years ago, I’ve felt really quite pants most of the time. I’ve had tests, investigations and MRI scans looking for coeliac disease, Chrohns and Colitis. Thankfully all clear. I’ve been back and forth to my GP countless times but there appears to be no magic answer. I’ve cut gluten from my diet for about two years now which has helped a little, enough to persist. So now I want to clean up the rest of my diet.

I thought I had a reasonably good diet. Not exactly healthy but certainly not junk. Too much chocolate, yes, possibly not enough fruit, agreed.  Other than that, fairly OK. But I am no cook. In fact I’m pretty much a kitchen failure. Add to this a husband who’s palette is entirely at odds with mine, and one boy who suffers with sensory food aversion disorder (or extreme food pickiness for the uninitiated). Not exactly a recipe for harmonious family mealtimes! I’ve all too often reached for convenience meals. I’ve tried to choose the best quality versions. The ones with the prettier packaging and fancier labels but, let’s face it, they’re all full of crap. Even my constant reliable companion, the Gluten Free Oat Cake (because gluten free bread tastes like sh*te) is full of palm oil. I’m not going to bang on about the evils of palm oil here but go and Google it. Now. It’s in everything and it’s bad. Bad, bad, bad.

I think there’s a high probability that, along with having a degenerative autoimmune disease, I’m particularly sensitive to food related crap. I’m sure I’m probably deficient in essential fatty acids and B Vitamins. Supplementation is all well and good (I’ve started), but the conditions within your body have got to be right for vitamins to work. I’ve proven that, by going gluten-free, I can stick to an eating regime. What is going to challenge me by eating clean is the cooking involved for a family with different needs and wants. Boy1 only eats a handful of different main meals so we will probably start with getting to grips with making his favourites; gluten free pizza dough, pizza sauce, home made pesto, fish fingers and a creamy korma curry sauce. If I can get him on board we stand a good chance of success. I want to get the boys baking bread and helping out in the kitchen. I’m going to need it and perhaps it will encourage a willingness to try new things and slightly different (real) flavours?

I’m determined that this year, the year I turn 40, I need to feel well. So here’s to shopping locally and eating clean. Just don’t beat me up if I fail, OK?

I’m collecting clean and gluten free recipes over on Pinterest. Search for me as loopyg

Hello, 2014!

Limbo

It’s a funny old place to be, the space between Christmas and New Year, don’t you think? The Build Up gives way to the Main Event which concedes, exhausted, to Limbo and I can’t say that I’m a fan. I do love Christmas, I really do, but sometimes the anticipation is the best part (apart from the brussel sprouts. I really love those). With Boxing Day comes the realisation that it’s all over for another year, and by the 27th I’m left feeling as flat as a pancake. It’s never been any different in all honesty.

Before Limbo settled wearily on my shoulders we were strangely unhurried and yet I was wantonly neglectful of this space here. In a nutshell: I did the majority of my present buying online. Not romantic, I know, but totally convenient since homeschooling and shopping alone don’t really figure in the same sentence. A production of Polly Dunbar’s ‘Penguin’ at The Gulbenkian provided a really sweet start to our Christmas season. We stayed close to home in an attempt to avoid the worst of the winter bugs, though that wasn’t entirely foolproof. The Man celebrated his birthday on the 19th but a long day spent at work meant a birthday meal in rather than out. The boys baked a mean chocolate cake for him with Nanny’s help (and patience). We weathered the worst of the terrible storm; a relatively short power-cut caused great excitement and forced us into enjoying a lovely pre-Christmas family meal out. And Boy1 received the email he’d been waiting for more than two weeks; he’ll be performing in a production of ‘Oliver!’ At the Marlowe Theatre next summer. And so starts six months of rehearsals!

Here’s a piece of post-Christmas, mindless limbo trivia for you; my last post here was my 100th and it resulted in my 100th follower. Boy1 would LOVE this right now since he seems a little obsessed with even numbers and all things being equal. Only now I’m about to publish post 101…

With only one submission to go in the 52 Project I’m more than a little bit excited (and thankful, grateful, ecstatic, spoilt) to have received the wonderful gift of a new DSLR for Christmas from The Man. It’s a Nikon D7000 with two different lenses. The manual is as thick as my post Christmas thighs, and we all know how I am with instructions. It may take a while to master. It’s a beast in comparison to my previous one. I can feel a resolution coming on…

Life, learning, and light

So it’s Autumn half term. Except, of course, you don’t technically have a half term when you’re learning all the time. ‘Learning all the time’. This is how I’ve talked about homeschooling with Boy1. I think he was a little worried that he wasn’t learning anything now he’s not in school. Because we’re very much taking an unschooling approach I can understand his concern, especially since he was in school for two years. He has a strong image of what learning looks and feels like in its most structured, institutional form. And of course so do we, as parents. We’re all having to go through a process of realising that learning happens just as life does. All we are doing at the moment is having fun, taking things easy, and providing as many opportunities that might spark an interest or enrich the everyday. Apart from the first two weeks of the school year when I felt perhaps a little over enthusiastic, we’ve not sat down at the table to purposefully learn anything. And even when I did sort of try (it was handwriting, it was his weakest skill in school, he really doesn’t enjoy it) I could feel his little heels digging in with resistance. So instead we are now wholeheartedly embracing this period of deschooling instead. Ridding ourselves of the notion that learning can only take place in a structured chair and desk type way. It’s liberating, actually. And this is now less to do with Boy1 and far more to with us as a family. It is not without its downsides. The Man has been working from home. A lot. We don’t have an office space for him yet. This is not easy in a small house. But even this situation has its silver lining. If he gets his work done he is then far more available to the boys that he’s ever been before and even though its me as full time carer who is holding the reins for the majority of the time, just a short time with Daddy is fruitful. He knows so much more than me about the cosmos, nature, engine parts, Lego…you know?

A natural rhythm to our weeks has taken shape, with regular home ed group meet ups, and horseriding, and youth theatre. I think Boy1 has struggled with the change in our routine. Despite preferring to be at home instead of school, he did cope with some of his sensitivities a little better by having a rigid school day routine. But I think we’re coming through this phase slowly. He has found it hard adjusting to being with Boy2 all the time quite tough. There is a 4yr age gap and despite being the best of buddies for the vast majority of time, there has been a fair bit of brotherly waring too. Surprisingly, it has often been instigated by the bigger, placid one; this is a definite shift in the usual status quo. The minute Boy1 has dedicated time with me though, he is quite literally angelic. To be fair on my littlest man, he has had to undergo a massive change in his routine, too. He was used to hours on end with just me and yet now he has to share me with his brother. He has, from what I can tell, taken to this with no noticeable change in behaviour. He was a (loveable) beast before and still is!

I lieu of a first term parent consultation evening, I’m going to take the opportunity here to jot down some of the extra things we’ve been doing that we might not have if we weren’t homeschooling. It will serve as a useful reminder that we are exposing ourselves to learning and socialising opportunities all the time…

We’ve joined the home ed group on the beach several times, and played by the waters edge with friends. We’ve picked apples and caught lizards in the community orchard. We’ve waded in puddles, streams, rivers and the sea. We’ve made a Shaun the Sheep from plasticine with the help of a real life model maker from Aardman Animations. We’ve used the iPad to make stop motion animation shorts using lego, to practice our cursive writing, to read animated comics and to learn maths in a fun way. We’ve gone to the library and discovered how much fun the local mobile library is. We’ve learnt how sad it is to lose a pet and how exciting it can be to get a new one and learn how to look after it (she’s a Caramel Corn-snake, by the way). We’ve discovered that, without any pressure, we’re much better at drawing and writing than we realised. We’ve discovered a new passion in horse riding; fortnightly lessons are simply not enough. We’ve gone to work with Daddy, overnight, and really enjoyed the one-to-one boy time. We’ve attended the Primary Proms at the Royal Albert Hall and were blown away not only by the building, but the percussion performance of the Pirates of the Caribbean theme tune. And today, while I sit and type this in the comfort of a cafe, Boy1 is having some independent time on a Glacier Explorer’s workshop as part of the Kent Children’s university. This list is by no means exhaustive but it serves as a reminder that learning can and should be, fun.

And what about me? On the whole I think the new pace of life suits me far, far better than the frantic scrabble to get out and on with the school run. I’m learning to let go a little (baby steps on this front). My anxiety has mostly been much better, excepting the last week. I think this has far, far more to do with the changing season than I’ve ever given myself credit for in the past. And let’s not forget we’re heading into lurgy season, my own personal emetaphobic nightmare. But that’s my cross to bear and I will do my level best to try and not let it effect my mood for the sake of those around me, especially as they’re so much more under my wing than before. The darker evenings don’t suit me one little bit but at least the sun is shining today, after yesterday’s storm.